


stupid for you

by mariette



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tw: needle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-15 02:35:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15403074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariette/pseuds/mariette
Summary: "He wasn’t sure about himself, he never was. But when a feeling festers inside for so long in his experience it’s only a matter of time before it takes over. There’s not many moments in their life where he can do something so ambitious. He had no idea what he was thinking and it made him all the more excited to do it."After Chorus, Wash has a hard time adjusting to 'retirement' and taking a break. He's jealous of the way Tucker and Carolina can relax and feels as if he's missing something. Tucker does everything he can to help Wash take the break he deserves, although it takes a while.Tags to be added as story progresses.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first time writing for this fandom and I'm sooo excited about it! I'm not sure how long I'm going to make this but I'm thinking somewhere between 5-7 chapters. I may bump the rating up to explicit in case I want to have some smutty fun so keep your eyes on the tags as I update!  
> Also huuuuge thanks to [Sam](http://ivekilledmonsters.tumblr.com/) for helping me get this fic going. Without them bouncing headcanons off with me and crying about Wash it would have never happened.

The blade came slashing at him at such an alarming rate he almost didn’t have time to get his footing right.  _ Almost _ . He stepped back taking in the figure in front of him about to turn back and take another slash at his side. Wash pivoted and moved himself behind the blade. His leg stuck out successfully striking the backside of his opponents knee. He went crashing down into the dirt sputtering a cough.

He stood above him, his breathing sharp and his lungs burned because of how long he’d been at it. He was annoyed, really fucking annoyed.

“I  _ told _ you not to be a dick,” Wash said.

“Yeah well, it’s kind of hard not to be when you’re  _ the most annoying person ever _ ,” Tucker replied.

He had himself propped up on his elbow steadying his breath after Wash knocked him down.  _ Again _ . He was getting real sick and tired of having to listen to Wash lecture him on what he should be doing better and why he should  _ stop doing that it’s going to get your throat slit open _ .

“You want to be better with that sword? Pay attention. And don’t just come hacking at me because you’re pissed off. That’s how you get your ass sent to the ground,” Wash said. He reached down and grabbed Tucker’s hand. Which, to be fair wasn’t outstretched but he  _ needed _ to learn this footwork and he  _ needed _ to stop being such a bitch about the whole thing.

“I was under the impression retirement meant chilling out. Why does no one else on this fucking moon have to train, huh? I mean for fucks sake Wash, Sarge is creating an enemy for us to destroy every other week, Caboose is fucking making friends with all sorts of creatures, and Grif has done nothing but lounge around! Where’s my lounging around? Where’s  _ my _ retirement?” he asked. Wash wanted to take pity on him. Wanted to let Tucker go and do the relaxing he thought he so desperately needed. But Wash knew better.

“Carolina trains, I train, Simmons is improving his skills with technology to help us in future missions. You know, we do a lot more relaxing than we did before,” Wash said.

“ _ You _ do a lot more relaxing you freelancer freak. All you have to do is train me in hand to hand which need I remind you is something you’re  _ very _ skilled in already,” Tucker said. He was stood now, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. His headband that held his dreads starting to fall forward.

“It’s funny that you think training you is relaxing,” Wash replied.

Tucker scoffed as he normally did when someone has been annoying him for too long. He threw his training sword at Wash’s feet and began walking toward their makeshift base.

“Whatever, dude. I’m gonna go relax now. You know, enjoy my  _ retirement _ ,” he said. He turned suddenly. Thinking of something that Wash is just sure he doesn’t want to hear. “Actually now that I think of it... I don’t want to train at all anymore. Have fun hanging with Carolina. I’m out.”

And there it was. Wash watched until Tucker disappeared into the base. He muttered to himself all the way there. The last thing Wash heard was something about  _ so stupid _ and  _ can’t he just give me a break… doing my best _ . He picked up the sword at his feet and walked over to the little makeshift shed they had. Carolina was already in there tying her hair back and smiling at Wash as he entered.

“How’d it go?” she asked. Wash sighed.

“He… he won’t  _ listen _ to me. I can tell that he’s going to improve if he works at it but he won’t do it. I don’t know how else to get him to start paying attention to what I’m saying,” Wash said. He set the training swords against the wall and leaned into the doorway. Carolina grabbed her yoga mat, something she picked up when they got here. Donut told her he thought it would be good for her and she argued for awhile but eventually relented. Now, she’ll spend up to three hours doing yoga poses on the beach.

“Wash, you keep  _ kicking his ass _ . Maybe if he saw that he has the potential to beat you he might actually want to get better to prove something? I mean for god’s sake it’s  _ Tucker _ we’re talking about. He’ll take anything to compensate with,” she said.

Wash pondered it for a moment. He doesn’t necessarily have to let Tucker win. He just needs to plan out how Tucker dodges his advances and instead of calculating from there… just… let him… dodge them. In retrospect it seemed kind of simple. Fuck, teaching is annoying.

“And if he doesn’t like that I let him win?” he asked. Because he just knows if Tucker catches on to it he’ll never hear the end of it.

“Figure out how to get him to want to train then. There’s got to be some sort of incentive,” she said. She walked past him patting his shoulder. He stood in the doorframe a little longer. The idea of letting Tucker win doesn’t sit well with him. He’s almost sure it will start a fight but at this point he’s willing to try anything. He knows he can make a good fighter out of Tucker.

When he returned to the base he wasn’t surprised to see Simmons and Caboose sitting at a table tinkering with various electronics. Simmons, surely doing something they can use on missions while Caboose was probably---

“I’m making a new friend,” Caboose said.

“Yeah?” Wash asked. He paced his way over to the table and looked over Caboose’s arm to see a small robot moving what he thought was an arm up and down.

“I can not find any legs for him. But that’s okay. Lopez was my friend and he did not have a body,” Caboose said. He poked at the robots arm and the small thing reacted grabbing around his finger.

“You never knew what the fuck Lopez was saying how was he your friend?” Simmons asked. He set the device he was working on down to look at Caboose.

“I don’t know what you talk about but you are my friend,” Caboose said.

“I am n-”

“Hey, Caboose!” Wash interrupted before Simmons could say anything to upset him. “I’ll do some scouting around here and see if I can find some legs for your friend.”

“Oh, Agent Washington that would just be  _ great _ . I think he is sad that he can’t walk around,” Caboose said. He was poking around at the robot again.

Wash tapped Caboose’s shoulder as he stepped away from the table and allowed the two of them to continue working. As he left the room he heard Caboose talking to Simmons and almost immediately a sigh had followed. Well, he supposed not everyone could be as patient with Caboose as he can. He thought that there might be some spare parts in a kitchen drawer. Everyone here had a nasty habit of shoving anything they didn’t need into a random drawer which has now been deemed ‘the junk drawer’. Wash tried for a while to keep them organized, it only worked for a few hours.

When he got to the kitchen Tucker was at the table eating a bowl of pasta. When he looked up at him he scoffed, angrily pressing his fork into the pasta and putting it into his mouth. Wash rolled his eyes. He walked past him and grabbed an apple off of the counter, crunching into it loudly. He watched as Tucker’s shoulders tensed stopping his chewing for a moment. 

See, Wash knew it was going to be a challenge to get Tucker to focus. He knew that his right hand man would much rather sit in the base making sarcastic comments any chance he got. But what Wash also knew, and was first hand witness to, was what Tucker was like actually in combat. Sure, snarky and sarcastic trying to poke fun at a serious situation but nonetheless  _ still _ kicking ass. Wash knew that if Tucker would just focus and learn his way around his sword he could be just as good as he and Carolina.

“God, could you chew  _ any _ louder?” Tucker yelled. He slammed his fork down into the bowl turning toward Wash.

“Am I annoying you?” he asked.

“I… fucking  _ yes _ you’re annoying me,” he said. Wash raised his eyebrow at Tucker. He pulled the apple up to his mouth and crunched down hard again.

“Jesus  _ Christ _ !” Tucker yelled. He stood from his seat and threw his bowl into the sink behind Wash. He didn’t move from in front of him and Wash stood there waiting for Tucker to continue his bitching.

“You know you just  _ love _ to get on my nerves don’t you?” Tucker asked.

“No,” Wash said.

“Oh, sure you do. You’re so smug, and a know it all, and… and…” Tucker’s words fell off in the end. He dropped his arms down to his side with a sigh. This peaked Wash’s interest. Usually when Tucker went on a roll like that there was no stopping him for awhile.

“And what?” he asked.

“Ugh, never _ mind _ ,” he said. With that Tucker stomped his way out of the kitchen. Wash listened until the door to Tucker’s room slammed and he was left on his own confused about why Tucker was so upset.  _ It’s just because of the training _ . He thinks to himself. And yeah, it probably was. But, Tucker always bitched about training. Whatever it was, he was just going to have to get over it because Wash wasn’t about to give up on him.

When Tucker was finally in his room away from everyone in the base he pressed his hands against his face. He tried to shake the feeling that something was _off_ and he didn’t know what. For whatever reason he was anxious and shaking and the feeling just _wouldn’t go away_. He sighed and looked at his bed, his armor still strewn about it from this morning. He threw it off and it landed on the floor with a loud clatter. He fell into his mattress and let out a sigh. Why was he so anxious all of a sudden? Wash shouldn’t be getting on his nerves this much. Sure, he was annoyed with him like he always was but shouldn’t he be _happy_ he doesn’t have to train anymore? That he finally stood his ground and said, _no I’m not doing this_? It seemed simple at the surface but Tucker knew there was something inside of him that just didn’t feel right.  
No, not right. Different. Something inside of him felt different and he couldn’t figure out what the fuck it was. His hands were shaking at his sides and he just couldn’t _calm down_. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hoped taking a nap would help. A small voice in the back of his head told him it wouldn’t.


	2. Chapter 2

The sky was pitch black and the world was silent. An eerie fog danced around his feet and hugged his ankles. It was the kind of quiet like in the dead of winter when nothing is alive and no cars are on the road because it’s too dangerous. Except there wasn’t any snow it was just… dark. He looked around to try to figure out where he was. He saw a silhouette of, were those treetops? As he took a step forward he felt something snap underneath the weight of his foot. He knelt down to get a better view and saw that it was a sword.  _ His _ sword. When his eyes adjusted to the darkness he saw a gleam of dark liquid on it. He reached out and touched it. The liquid stained his fingers red.

“You killed him,” he heard a whisper rush past him.

“Huh?” he said. He quickly turned around to try and find who was there but no one was behind him. A shiver ran down his spine. Wherever he was, he didn’t feel safe.

“He’s  _ dead _ because of you.” Another whisper. He whipped around again, quicker this time. His heart fell to the floor. It was hard to see because the fog was getting thicker but he knew it was Wash laying in front of him. He registered the blood on his stomach and Tucker let out a cry.

“Wash, no!” he screamed. Tucker tried to lurch further but his feet wouldn’t  _ move _ . It was like walking through tar. Wash’s eyes met his and they were fearful.

“Tucker, what happens now?” he asked. Tears streamed down his face, something he had never seen before. Tucker reached out to him and the floor dropped sending him tumbling through the fog. 

His scream tore through his insides and flooded his entire being. It felt like his soul was ripping out of his body. Then it all went black.

He woke up with a startle. His breathing erratic and forehead lined with sweat.

“Fuck,” he whispered. He pressed his hand to his chest and felt his heartbeat. It was pumping quicker than usual and he knew it was a nightmare he had woken up from. He was thankful that this time he didn’t remember what it was but with the headache that suddenly hit him he knew it wasn’t a restful nap he had. Tucker’s eyes wandered to his bedroom window and was shocked to see it was dark out. His mind pressed him to remember part of his dream. Was it dark? He still couldn’t remember. His head snapped over to the alarm clock and sure enough it was one in the morning. So much for sleeping the rest of the night. 

He climbed out of his bed, his back cracking in protest from sleeping for too long. He groaned and stretched his arms up over his head sighing contentedly at how the stretch felt. His stomach lurched in hunger and he remembered how he never got to finish his lunch earlier. As he made his way to the kitchen he was surprised to see the glow of the light in there filling the hallway. What he wasn’t surprised about, was who was in there. Wash was sat at the table, his leg up on the chair with him, arm wrapped around it. He had a notebook laid in front of him and was writing something in it. To Tucker’s surprise, he didn’t notice him at first.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked. Wash looked up from what he was working on. He  _ looked _ like he was tired but here he was alone in the kitchen.

“Oh, I slept. It’s just nice being out here when everyone is asleep. Thought I’d come out here and draw a little,” he said.

“You draw?” he asked. He walked around the table to retrieve some cereal but snuck a peak at what he was working on. It looked like the beach outside of their base but being just a sketch it could be anything.

“Yeah, a little. I never have any time to like… work on it I guess. So I just doodle here and there,” he said. He returned to his notebook. He let his head rest against his knee. Tucker sat down next to him with his bowl of cereal eyeing the picture again.

“I’ve never seen you doodle,” he said. Wash rose an eyebrow but didn’t look up from his work.

“Usually only do it when I’m on my own. Why are you up?” he asked.

“Ah, I just slept too long. Plus I didn’t eat enough today so I’m fucking  _ starving _ ,” Tucker said digging into his cereal.

“Oh yeah… sorry about that. I- I guess?” he questioned. Not actually sure that he had done anything wrong but feeling bad about it either way.

“Whatever it’s fine,” Tucker said. He was kind of invested in the way Wash was sketching. The lines forming into seemingly nothing until Tucker continued to watch and then it turned into something he could recognize. To his surprise it was actually really calming.

“Do you mind if I watch you draw?” he asked. Wash looked up at Tucker then, he looked lost in Wash’s sketch. He ignored the warm feeling inside of him, that’s something that can be unpacked later.

“Y-you want to watch? I mean… yeah. Sure that would be okay,” Wash said. As much as he loved being left on his own it was nice having Tucker sit next to him even if they were in silence. The only noises were the humming of the lights, Tucker’s crunching, and Wash’s pencil sliding across the paper. It was the first time Wash felt peaceful since they got here. Not on edge over someone blasting into their base. Just him and Tucker in happy silence.

Huh. Weird.

Once the sun was high in the sky and Carolina had done two sessions of yoga already Wash found himself looking for Tucker. He knew it was going to be difficult getting him out there to train but he needed to try. He checked all his usual hiding spots but with no luck. Caboose walked past him suddenly with a handful of mechanical parts.

“Caboose have you seen Tucker?” he asked.

“He’s outside,” he replied.

“Okay… where outside? I’ve already looked out there,” he said.

“On the roof,” he said. A wire fell from Caboose’s arms and Wash reached out to grab it quickly.

“He’s-- he’s on the  _ roof _ ?” Wash asked.

“Yes, when I found him he told me not to tell you because you were playing hide and seek. But I’m mad because he didn’t invite  _ me _ to play hide and seek even though he knows I love that game,” Caboose said. Wash laid the wire on the pile in his hands.

“Well, thanks buddy. I’ll go yell at him for not inviting you,” he said.

Wash stepped outside and looked up shielding his eyes from the sun. Sure enough there was a little bit of aqua poking out from the top of the building.

“Tucker! Come on!” he yelled. Tucker peered down at Wash and then returned to looking back up at the sky.

“Nah, dude. Told you I was done,” he said. Wash sighed.

“Tucker you’re  _ improving _ . You’re just a stubborn asshole. Come down here!” he yelled back. There was no reply.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he whispered to himself. He picked up the two training swords and grabbed onto the side of the base. He lept and bounded his way up to where Tucker was. He tossed the swords up and then swung himself up landing on his feet. Tucker was looking backwards at him with his eyebrows raised. He was using his helmet as a makeshift pillow.

“I know how much you love being a dramatic show-off but there’s stairs over there.” He pointed to the open hole in the roof of the base.

“ _ What? _ When did that get there?!” he yelled.

“I don’t know. Another one of Sarge’s side projects,” Tucker replied. He turned back and faced the sun pretending as if Wash wasn’t even there.

Wash stalked over to him and threw the sword onto Tucker’s stomach. He cracked and eye open and looked down at it.

“You’re not going to let this go are you?” he asked.

“Nope.”

Tucker groaned and stood up.

“I hate you,” he said.

“That’s fine,” Wash replied.

“You’re the worst.”

“That’s fine, too.”

“I’m not even  _ good _ .”

“Stop bitching. You are. We’ll keep our helmets off so you have a better field of vision,” Wash said. He was now stood ready to attack Tucker. Tucker reacted by staying defensive. He held his sword too close to his chest and much more horizontal than he needed to. Immediately, Wash swooped down and caught Tucker right in the thigh. Tucker replied with a groan and jumping back much too late.

“Fuck!” he said.

“Tucker, you’re paying too much attention to where you’re going  _ after _ my blade hits. You need to start to figure out where I’m going to go with it before I even swing it,” Wash said.

“Dude that doesn’t even make sense,” he said. Wash sighed. They went on like that for a while. Wash hitting Tucker and Tucker growing increasingly angry. Right before he could tell Tucker was going to give up Wash finally let his defense fall. Tucker got him on his side and as Wash went to hit his shoulder blade Tucker stepped forward and swooped his foot under Wash. He went tumbling down and Tucker lost his footing falling right on top of him.

They landed with a thud. Tucker was on top of Wash his arms right above his shoulders. Wash was  _ beaming _ underneath of him and… what kind of smile was  _ that _ ? Tucker was dazed and held himself there for a lot longer than necessary.

“That was amazing!” Wash said. His smile lit up his entire face and Tucker realized it was the first time he’d  _ ever _ seen Wash smile like that. He started to notice how his freckles were peppered all over the top of his cheeks and all the way up his nose. The scars around his eyebrows were suddenly much more prominent than they ever were before. Tucker’s breath hitched in his throat and he scrambled his way off of him. He held his hand out for him to take and pulled him up off the ground.

“Holy shit,” he said.

“I know! You swooped in when I let my guard down that was great!” Wash said. He was still smiling and it pulled at Tucker’s heart in a way he didn’t expect. He was flustered which threw him off because Tucker does  _ not _ get flustered.

“Thank I uh, uh…” he trailed off.  _ Fuck _ . Why was he all of a sudden losing his mind? It’s just  _ Wash _ . “You know let’s pick this back up tomorrow. I think one successful training session means a break for me.”

Wash was still smiling and nodded his head. The sweat on his neck sliding down and pooling on his collar bone. He had an arm on his hip and leaned against the practice sword.

“Sure go for it,” he said. He grabbed at the swords and walked down the set of stairs. Tucker stood there for a bit longer trying to gather his thoughts.  _ Fuck _ . He thought.  _ Fuck fuck fuck fuck. _ When did Wash get so  _ hot _ ? Tucker seeing him underneath him all sweaty and out of breath... Jesus Christ it was too much.

He grabbed his helmet and practically ran into the base. Yes,  _ ran _ . He kept moving until he reached Grif’s door. Knocking first and then blasting his way through anyways. Grif was sitting on his bed paging through a magazine. He looked up with an eyebrow raised.

“You know when you knock you’re usually supposed to wait until someone says come in,” he said. He looked back down at his magazine acting like he didn’t care Tucker was there. He probably didn’t.

“Shut up Grif it’s important,” he said. He sat down at Grif’s desk chair spinning around in it. He let his hair fall over the backside of the chair as he looked up at the ceiling. He couldn’t get the image of Wash underneath of him out of his head. And that’s like, fucking ridiculous right?

“I doubt it’s important,” Grif said.

“I think I want to fuck Wash,” Tucker blurted out. He heard Grif drop his magazine on his lap. He swiveled around on the chair, looking at Grif upside down.

“Uh… dare I ask.  _ Why? _ ” Grif asked.

“I’ll spare you the detail but long story short he was underneath me during training and my dick got hard. Not really sure that could mean anything else,” he said.

“Okay, so… go for it,” Grif said. Tucker spun around then whipping his head up and looking at Grif with wide eyes.

“What? I can’t- I can’t just  _ fuck Wash _ ,” he said.

“Why not? You’re both stressed out all the fucking time it’d be good for you two to get that shit out of your system,” Grif said. He had his arms crossed now, as if it made complete sense what he was saying.

“Why aren’t you more surprised about this?” Tucker asked.

“Mostly because I don’t care. Also, it was only a matter of time before you stuck your dick in one of us. Wash was the one that made the most sense,” Grif said.

“Okay but… like I said, I can’t just  _ fuck _ Wash.”

“Why not?” he asked. As if he  _ wasn’t _ suggesting Tucker just screw Wash.

“Because Wash is like… going through shit. He gets sad and cranky really easily. I don’t want to fuck it up and somehow he gets worse,” he said.

“What if you don’t fuck it up?” Grif asked.

“Have you met me?” Tucker asked.

“Yeah, I have. You’re an annoying piece of shit and horny twenty four seven. You bitch about everything and are so self-centered I’m surprised your ego hasn’t crushed you to death,” Grif said.

“Would it hurt any of you to hand me a compliment once in a while?” Tucker asked.

“I’m not finished. Do you know the  _ one _ person who has been able to get through all of that and make you into someone who’s nice to be around? Wash. You fucking listen to him, you respect him, you spend time with him. Even when he pisses you off you’re immediately getting over it and training with him again! So no, you fucking moron, I’m not surprised you want to fuck him. Like  _ I _ said, you’re both stressed and should go for it,” Grif said. He picked his magazine up again and started flipping through it.

Tucker got up from the chair and paced around the room. He couldn’t actually be feeling this way. Grif was right, he is horny all the fucking time so maybe this was just one of those passing moments where he thinks something is a good idea until he realizes it’s not.

“I think I’m just going to pretend I don’t want to fuck him. The feeling will go away,” Tucker said. Grif peaked over the magazine before scanning back down to it.

“Sure, that’s definitely going to work,” he mumbled. Tucker ignored him opening up the door about to leave.

“Thanks for your weird speech, Grif. Really appreciate it man,” he said. He shut the door behind him. He could ignore this feeling. How hard could it be?

There’s a lot of things that change in Wash’s life. He knows that to be true. Scenery, friendships, enemies, priorities. All things that have developed and left and  _ died _ in his life. But one thing that probably will never change is the  _ bickering he hears all day every day. _ This time it was Sarge, Simmons and Caboose all outside of the shed yelling about  _ something _ . Once he got closer he saw Caboose hugging his robot friend to his chest.

“--not like you  _ care _ it’s going to hurt us you bumbling idiot,” Wash heard Simmons say as he got closer.

“Son, don’t listen to him. You keep that thing around as long as you like. Hell, hide it in Grif’s room! Would be funny to see him get hurt. Not much time for it these days,” Sarge said. Wash raise an eyebrow. What could possibly be happening that  _ Sarge _ was agreeing with something Caboose was doing.

“Wash, can you  _ please _ tell Caboose to get the fuckin’ flame thrower out of his robot!” Simmons yelled.

“No! What if he gets cold?” Caboose yelled.

“That-- that doesn’t even make  _ sense _ ,” Simmons said. Caboose clutched his robot closer to him holding it away from Simmons. Although, Simmons wouldn’t  _ actually _ be able to pull it away from his grasp. And honestly, he was probably too scared to try.

“As much as I love mediating shit like this can’t you figure this out on your own?” Wash asked. Simmons mumbled under his breath and walked away.

“Keep that thing away from me Caboose!” he yelled back.

Wash decided to join Carolina on the beach. He walked down there letting Caboose and Sarge’s conversation become nothing but background noise and smiled at Carolina when she looked up.

It’s impressive how well her yoga has improved, she was currently upside down and trying to hold herself up with only one arm. Wash sat down next to her and waited for her to slowly lower herself down and exhale before he said anything.

“I took your advice and lowered my defense when training with Tucker. It was actually really cool to see him adapt to that so quickly. He had my ass on the ground in seconds,” Wash said. Carolina sat down next to him and smiled.

“See? You’re not a bad teacher,” she said.

“Guess not. It was weird, though. He kind of freaked out when he managed to pin me on the ground,” he said. He thought back to the look on Tucker’s face. He couldn’t really pay attention to it at the time, he had been too proud of him to notice.

“Maybe he was just surprised he actually  _ did _ something instead of you handing him his ass six ways from Sunday,” she said. Wash chuckled.

“Have you been doing okay?” she asked. He pulled his eyes away from the water to meet her concerned gaze.

“I… yeah? I think so?” he said. “I’ve just been a little stressed lately.”

“Want to do yoga with me? That helps keep my stress level down. It’s also why I have to do it about three times a day,” she said.

“Uh, no. Stuff like that doesn’t really help me,” he said. “I’ll be fine, though training actually helps. You know, when he’s not pissing me off. Uh, how are-- how are you doing, though?” he asked. Carolina hated talking about things like this but that doesn’t keep Wash from worrying about her.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, with Epsilon gone,” he said.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

She sighed looking out to the water. She seemed lost in her thoughts and he gave her time to answer. When she finally turned back to him she looked hurt. An emotion that looked foreign on her.

“Yeah, I guess I miss him. Kind of hard not to when we shared a mind for so long,” she said.

“Yeah… I know what you mean.”

They stayed on the beach for a few hours. Most of the time they just talked quietly with each other, but at some point Wash fell asleep. When he woke up Carolina was gone. Her beach blanket laid over him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He was a little upset that there was sand practically all over him but he was comfortable.

The sun was setting and stars began to dust the sky. It was painted in an array of beautiful colors. Reds and oranges swirled together at the horizon and blended in a way that made it almost look like a painting. Further up towards the moon a deep purple color loomed and made the stars glitter and dance. Wash thought that in a perfect world he could lay there forever.

“Wash?”

But in his experience moments don’t get to last forever.  
He looked over and saw Tucker making his way toward the beach. He was bundled in sweatpants and a hoodie. Wash pulled himself up his eyes turning back to focus on the sunset. Instead of asking why he was alone, instead of asking why he fell asleep on the beach, instead of bitching at him about training he just… sat down next to him. Silent and watching the sunset with him. Normally, Wash had the urge to fill the void when he was around other people. _Especially_ the Sim troopers. Who, as he’s well versed in now, can’t keep themselves focused for the life of them. But, for some reason… in this moment… it was different with Tucker. The sky slowly darkening, the water gently lapping at the edge of the beach. And he thought that maybe moments like this could last forever. Maybe he could even get used to the company during them, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two uploads in one week and it's a long one?? Honestly, I really wanted to push this chapter out because it really helped capture where I really want to go with this story. After this, we're going to one upload a week (so I can keep my sanity lol). I'm completely uncertain what day I want to upload but if you follow my [tumblr](http://www.lovelyachieve.tumblr.com) I'll post updates on how chapters are coming along there! Thanks for reading, see you next week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is Wednesday right, right?! Sorry it's a day late guys, I was up all night working on this and I just couldn't finish it and before I died of exhaustion I fell asleep. Just so everyone knows there's use of a piercing needle and mention of blood in this chapter! Anyways, here is the fluff we all asked for.  
> As always, thank you for reading this I appreciate you all. Let me know what you think either on my [blog](http://lovelyachieve.tumblr.com/) or in the comments section! See you next week!  
> Sidenote: Do you love Grimmons as much as I do? Then read Sam's [fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15498699). Issa good one.

Wash thought that he was getting better at controlling his temper. Instead of having an all out screaming match with one of the Sim troopers he tried to understand  _ why _ they were doing some ridiculous shit first.  _ Patience _ . He would repeat to himself over and over again. Patience only went so far with him, though. So, as he stood there, arms crossed staring at a  _ fucking hole in the side of the cliff _ . He can’t help but get annoyed.

 

“Sarge…” he began. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Sarge poked his head out from the hole in the rocks, gravel sprinkled in his hair, a pickaxe at his side.

“Listen here, Blue. I’ve got important things to attend to today. No time for your grumpy demeanor,” Sarge said. He retreated into the hole followed by the ping of the pickaxe hitting the rocks.

“Wh- I’m not grumpy! You can get yourself killed in there! Get out!” He yelled.

“Nonsense! I’m a soldier! Nothing will kill me except a heroic battle, where I’ll go down as the single most important man who ever lived! Now stop your whining, I can’t work with you jabbering away!” His voice echoed against the walls of the cliffside.

“God you’re all so- so  _ annoying _ !” he yelled.

He pressed his hands into this hair and pulled hard. Anger bubbled through him and he tried, he  _ tried _ to keep it at bay. He counted to ten and then back down again. He sighed and dropped his hands to his side. Instead of arguing more, he walked away.

“M’just trying to keep you idiots alive,” he mumbled.

He didn’t know why it was so hard for him to keep his cool. It was like at the drop of the pin he could be yelling at just about anyone. And he wishes he wasn’t like this. He wishes he could be like Carolina and do yoga on the beach for hours just flat out  _ ignoring _ all the chaos around her. It was odd to see her act so calmly after knowing her for so many years. Competition and stubbornness coursing through her like it was her life blood. He knew it was still there and would surface when the proper time came. With no immediate threat to them she could bury that part of her for awhile, keep it dormant until her instincts kick in. He longs for that kind of peace. It’s something he’s accepted he’ll never get.

There are moments when Wash finds himself so lost in his thoughts he has a hard time keeping his body from going into autopilot. When he crashes back into reality blinking furiously at his surroundings he finds himself in the base’s makeshift living room. Which, is just a couch, a loveseat, and a coffee table. After all the fires Donut caused it didn’t leave much furniture for the base. For  _ home _ . He tries to force himself to think. Doesn’t leave furniture for their  _ home _ . But that words sits sour in his head. So he pushes it away.

He registers movement on the couch then and finally his eyes focus on Tucker fast asleep on the couch. In a fleeting moment he felt calm and happy. It pulled at him until he found himself sat on the loveseat. He wasn’t sure why he needed to sit there but he really, really needed to. Tucker seemed so calm, a look not often present on him. His mouth was slacked open, his chest rising and falling softly, his legs curled up near his stomach. Wash smiled to himself and tucked his own legs close to him. He rest his head in his arm and just  _ watched _ Tucker sleep. That peaceful quiet he’s been enjoying with Tucker so much finding its way back to him. He realized what he was feeling all of a sudden.  _ Safe _ , he thought. After thinking it there was no denying it. Sitting with Tucker doing mundane things made him feel safe and he loved it. He indulged in that feeling. He let himself selfishly soak up what safe meant in this moment.

Not a hide out, not a weapon, not training, not sleepless nights to patrol the grounds. Safe was quietly sitting next to Tucker, enjoying whatever it was they were doing. Letting himself hope the moment would last forever.  _ Hope _ . Another foreign word that fell off of his tongue before he realized it.

Tucker stirred slightly and Wash immediately closed his mouth with a click of his teeth. Praying he didn’t ruin the serene moment. But thankfully, Tucker stilled and exhaled quietly. Falling back into his slumber. After a few minutes, Wash almost drifted off himself.

“Wash…”

His eyes snapped open and he looked at Tucker immediately. He sounded sad, worried,  _ scared _ . But he was still asleep. Wash’s brows furrowed, had he imagined it? A pained expression drew across Tucker’s face and Wash knew then, no he hadn’t imagined it.

“...be okay… m’sorry,” Tucker trailed off. His words grew quieter and Wash had to strain to hear them. He was having a nightmare.

Tears began streaming down Tucker’s cheeks and  _ god _ it hurt to watch it. Wash slowly got up from the couch and padded his way over to Tucker. He crouched down and softly,  _ so softly _ , put his hand on his back. He could feel Tucker’s back muscles straining and shaking all at once. He rubbed small circles on his back and spoke quietly.

“Tucker?” he asked. When there was no response he tried again. Speaking longer this time in hopes to coax him out of the nightmare.

“Hey, Tucker. Wake up. I think you’re having a nightmare and it would be nice if you could wake up for me. Don’t really like seeing you cry. Not that you’d ever admit that you have been,” Wash said.

The shaking had stopped and the tears weren’t streaming their way down his face anymore. Wash kept circling his back until he finally saw Tucker crack open an eye.

“Wash?” he croaked.

The way it came out… his voice shattered and torn apart and  _ so not Tucker _ . Wash pulled a sad smile, happy to get Tucker out of that with no problem, but sad because it happened in the first place.

Wash sat back on his feet reluctantly pulling his hand away from Tucker’s back.

“Morning. I-I think you were having a nightmare,” he said.

“Yeah, I think so too,” Tucker said. He scratched his head and felt his cheeks. “Fuck was I crying?”

“Uh, a little. Yeah.”

“God, I am  _ such _ a pussy.”

“Do you not remember it?” Wash asked.

“If I think hard enough I usually do. But, if it was a nightmare I don’t really want to,” he said.

Wash thought back to how he heard his own name fall out of Tucker’s mouth. He wants to know what it was about, why Tucker was dreaming about him. But he let the questions die on his tongue.

“Well, glad I could get you up,” he said.

“Yeah, thanks man. What were you doing in here anyways?” he asked. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand absentmindedly. Wash could tell him that he came in here to get away from everyone else. That somewhere in him he knew if he was around Tucker he’d feel better almost immediately.

“Oh, I was coming to find you to see if you knew why Sarge is blowing a hole in the side of the mountain,” he said.

“Fuck if I know what that psychopath is up to. I’m telling you, retirement is making him  _ lose it _ ,” Tucker said.

Wash smiled. The pain in Tucker’s voice from before absent and now filled with his usual quips.

“So, what are your plans today?” Tucker asked. Wash raised an eyebrow. He expected Tucker to saunter away from him after he had gotten up. Not ask him what his  _ plans _ were.

“Uh, I don’t know. Probably just… uh.” Wash lost his words. What was he going to do today?

“Let me guess,” Tucker began. He stretched his legs out and crossed his arms behind his head. “You’re going to do some rounds around the perimeter, yell at everyone that’s annoying you, sit on the beach with Carolina, and then go to sleep immediately after you eat your dinner. Sound about right?”

“I-do you do anything besides stalk me all day?” Wash asked.

“Dude, I don’t have to stalk you. You’re the most predictable person ever!” Tucker exclaimed.

“I  _ am not _ .”

“You are! Don’t you ever want to do anything fun? The only time I see a smile on your face is when you’re about to stab me during training,” Tucker said.

Wash giggled a little at that. Like  _ actually _ giggled and it sent Tucker for a loop. His mouth fell open and, did he really just hear that?

“What’s your idea of fun, Tucker?” Wash asked.

“You know what? I’m gonna show you. Come on,” he stood up and held his hand out for Wash to grab. He did and pulled himself up. He noticed that Tucker’s hand lingered a bit longer than it needed to but then it was gone. Wash pressed down the sudden disappointment he felt. There was no reason for it.

“I’m actually kind of scared of your idea of fun, honestly,” Wash said. Tucker didn’t reply and instead led Wash through the base. The got to Tucker’s room and he opened the door.

It wasn’t often he was in here. He really never needed to be. Besides the time he needed to bang on the door to get Tucker up for training, or when he needed to pull Caboose out of there to keep him from annoying him.

Tucker’s room was the largest one in the base. He had called dibs on the biggest room long before they had even left Chorus. Stating that he deserved it for being the fearless leader he is. The arguments that followed lasted for  _ weeks _ and Wash was about ready to rip his hair out. But, eventually everyone let up and in every house they’ve been in since then Tucker has gotten the biggest room. Now, though, it looks just as small as the rest.

“Tucker, why do you have so much shit in here?” Wash asked. There were clothes everywhere, his armor thrown on the floor, two dressers, a coffee table, various suitcases and a huge desktop computer. Not to mention his bed was king sized and took up half a wall. There were piles of stuff everywhere and Wash could barely see the floor.

“I’m busy! I don’t have time to clean this,” he dismissed.

“Busy with what? The fun stuff you were talking about?” Wash asked. Sarcasm dripped from his words and he smiled as Tucker rolled his eyes at him. He began rummaging through one of his suitcases, throwing things out of it. Some of the clothes fell at Wash’s feet and when he looked back up a shirt came flying at his face. He scoffed and threw it down on the ground.

“What are you-?”

“Found it!” Tucker yelled. He held up a small white box.

“What is that?” Wash asked.

“It’s my Wii.”

“Uh huh…”

“To play video games?”

“You want to play video games today?” Wash asked. He hadn’t played games since well before Freelancer. Even then he can’t remember when it was that he did.

“Well, that’s not the  _ only _ thing we’re going to do today, but we’re starting slow,” he said.

Wash crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn’t sure if he trusted his day in Tucker’s hands.

“Look someone should really keep an eye on everything around here. You know, make sure Simmons doesn’t rip Caboose’s head off, Donut doesn’t start any fires, Sarge doesn’t blow the base up…” he trailed off. Tucker rolled his entire head back and sighed.

“Wash, you’re not their babysitter. You deserve to have just as much fun as the rest of these guys do. And I’m going to make sure that you do. So can we  _ please _ just have one day of that?” Tucker asked.

It was the please that made him falter. He wanted to dismiss the feeling of happiness that he felt when he realized Tucker wanted to spend time with him. He didn’t know if he said yes because of that reason or because he did want to have some fun. He wanted to think to himself that it didn’t matter. But it did.

“Alright, fine.”

He watched as Tucker set the game up in another one of their shared living spaces. This one was a bit more cozy than the last. Much more seating, a giant TV, and plenty of room for everyone. Luckily, it was just the two of them. Tucker leaned around the television to connect the wires to the back. He balanced himself on one leg as he stretched as far as he could to connect them. After he finally did he pulled back and sighed setting his hands on his hips. He whipped around and smiled at Wash who was looking rather confused at the remote in front of him.

“What?” Tucker asked.

“This isn’t a controller,” Wash said.

“It is.”

Wash furrowed his eyebrows and turned the controller over in his hands a few times. He studied it quietly before looking up at Tucker, same confused expression on his face. Tucker rolled his eyes and came to sit next to Wash. He sat much closer than he needed to, their thighs were touching but neither of them moved. Neither of them cared to.

“Here watch,” Tucker said.

He grabbed his own remote from the table in front of him and turned the system on. He got through a few menus until a title screen flashed. Wash took note that it was some sort of sports game.

“It’s motion control. Have you never seen a Wii before?” Tucker asked. Wash shook his head as a reply. His eyes fixated to the starting screen in front of him. “Well I think you’ll like what I picked. It’s pretty easy to catch on.”

Then the screen went black and when it faded back in two characters on the screen were holding swords. Wash’s eyes went wide and he couldn’t help but smile. When he looked over at Tucker he was smiling too.  _ God _ Wash loved it. Tucker looked so happy, so- so  _ soft _ . It suddenly got warmer in the room or was that just his cheeks? He quickly looked away and cleared his throat. He heard felt Tucker chuckle next to him.

“Well I guess it’s time for me to kick your ass in this too,” Wash said.

“Oh really?” Tucker asked.

Wash was getting into it. Like  _ really _ into it. And as a result Tucker was getting even more into him than he was before. He knew that forcing himself to spend time with Wash was only going to make his situation worse but he didn’t think it would be to this degree. They had been playing for about an hour now and the absolute joy on Wash’s face was sending Tucker through a loop. He’d seen him happy before, he’d seen him smile and laugh. Those had all been well and good but  _ this _ was a whole new level of happiness. There was a childlike innocence in his eyes and it pulled at Tucker’s heart. Not to mention Wash is a  _ super _ sore loser and every time Tucker had him knocked down Wash would bounce on the couch and swear.

“Oh you fucker!” he yelled after Tucker had knocked him down again.

“You know this is how I feel when we train,” Tucker said. He looked over at Wash who had his face scrunched in frustration.  _ God _ he was fucked.

“No wonder you’re such an asshole all the time,” Wash said. He nudged Tucker’s shoulder and laughed. Yeah, Tucker was super fucked.

He couldn’t stop himself from thinking that maybe Wash felt the same way too. Ever since that training session Wash has been much kinder to him. Seemingly loving the time they’re spending together, letting Tucker in when he obviously just wants to be left alone. He knew it was ridiculous for him to think that and at the front of his mind he knew Wash never would feel that way. But emotions are annoying and there’s always that thought in the back of his mind, the  _ what if _ . What if Wash felt the same way or something close to it? What then?

“What’s next?” Wash asked. Tucker looked over at him. He had the remote on the table now and he was still beaming.

“Uh, well that’s up to you,” Tucker said.

“I thought you were picking the itinerary for the day,” Wash said. Tucker shrugged his shoulders.

“Now that I got you a loose and smiling and shit I want you to pick. I don’t really know what you like. So, what’s one thing you’ve  _ always _ wanted to do but never could? Because we’re going to do it,” Tucker said.

Wash turned back to stare blankly at the wall. Tucker watched as he bounced his hand against his knee. He wanted to know why he seemed so anxious all of a sudden.

“Well there’s… I-” Wash sighed. “Nevermind.”

“No, no! Wash tell me. What is it?” Tucker asked. He moved so he was facing Wash and a smile grew wide on his face. Whatever it was Tucker wanted to know.

“It’s stupid,” Wash said.

“I promise you I’m not going to think it’s stupid. Please tell me what it is. Please, Wash?” he asked. He dropped the begging in there. It didn’t go unnoticed how that worked on him before and Tucker smiled when he knew it did again.

“Ah, well I…” He scratched the back of his head and sighed. “I’ve always wanted to have a piercing.”

“You want a piercing?” Tucker asked. He was louder now, unable to contain how excited he was because  _ holy shit _ Wash wants a piercing.

“I told you it was stupid,” Wash said.

“I never said it was stupid! Let’s do it!” he exclaimed.

“What?” Wash asked.

“You heard me, let’s go get you a piercing,” Tucker said. He was off the couch now practically bouncing around.

“Are you insane? I can’t just get a piercing,” Wash said.

“Why not?”

“Wh- what do you  _ mean _ why not? Do you see where we are? There’s no one here that can pierce me. We don’t have the proper tools!” he said.

“Uh,  _ I _ can pierce you and we do have the right shit for it. Come on,” Tucker said. He pulled Wash off the couch without giving him a chance to protest. They started walking through the hallways going towards the rooms again.

“Tucker this is ridiculous. You can’t pierce me,” Wash said.

“I can. I’ve done it before. I’m very careful. Believe me, these hands are magic,” he said. He waggled his eyebrows just as an added affect. Wash’s cheeks flushed red almost immediately.

“I don’t believe you,” Wash said.

“Don’t have to believe me, baby. Just gotta trust me,” Tucker said.

_ Baby _ . Wash thought to himself. It was an off handed comment. A quip that fell quickly from Tucker’s mouth. Something he probably didn’t even think about saying. A word that shouldn’t swim around his head and make his insides do flips but it did and he loved it. Wash tripped over himself and stumbled into the wall.

“Christ!” Tucker said. He held his arm out and balanced Wash as they continued to walk.

“Sorry, I’m just-”  _ Thinking about you in ways I shouldn’t _ . “I’m  _ distracted _ because you want to shove a needle through my face.”

“I do. Where do you want your piercing by the way?” Tucker asked. Talking with confidence as if this was actually something that was going to happen.

“You know what? I’m not telling you. Because we  _ are not _ doing this,” Wash said. Tucker walked up to Grif’s door and pressed his back against it. He had his hand held on the doorknob and he gave Wash a side smirk.

“Oh, we’re doing this. And you’re going to look  _ hot _ and you’re going to love it,” he said. He twisted the doorknob and pushed himself into the room. Dramatically twirling himself and Wash rolled his eyes.

“Dude, the fuck did I say about knocking?” Grif asked.

“Calm down. You still got that piercing stuff?” Tucker asked.

Wash stepped into the room and awkwardly stayed back by the door. Grif glanced his way before turning his annoyed expression back onto Tucker.

“Yeah… why?” Grif asked.

“I’m gonna pierce your dick. Why do you think? I need it,” he said.

Grif groaned and pulled himself off of the bed. He rummaged in one of his end tables and pulled out a small black bag.

“I trust you know what you’re doing with this?” he asked. Tucker put his arm on his shoulder.

“Absolutely,” he said dramatically. Grif rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. Now get the fuck out of my room,” he said.

Tucker stepped away from Grif and waved the bag toward Wash. He grabbed Wash’s arm and pulled him out of the room. Grif shut the door behind him and audibly locked the door.

“Alright let’s do this,” Tucker said. Wash stopped in the hallway making Tucker who was still holding onto him stop too.

“Tucker no,” he said. Tucker’s shoulders slouched.

“You said you wanted this,” Tucker said.

“I didn’t mean  _ now _ ,” Wash said.

“Why not now, though? What’s going on right now that’s so important that you can’t do this, huh? We’re in retirement remember? We can do this fun shit. It doesn’t matter,” Tucker said.

“Look it’s nice being able to have fun every once in awhile but we can’t let our guards down like this. No one around here takes our safety seriously when there’s a universe out there that could come kill us at any moment,” Wash said. Tucker faltered. His eyes boring sympathetically into Wash’s. Forcing him to look down at his feet.  
“You don’t need to worry about that right now. It’s just a piercing. You deserve good things, Wash. You deserve to have something nice, something that you _want._ The point of today is to do things you want to do and I’m not going to stop bugging you until we do. We have tomorrow to worry about everything else, okay?” Tucker said.

Wash looked back up at him. He had that soft, understanding smile on again. It made Wash’s insides melt. He sighed.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s put a hole in my face.”

Tucker decided that the best place for this to happen was the bathroom, albeit was rather small. It was where the brightest lights were and if Wash turns out to be a bleeder he could control it better. When they got in there Tucker shut the door and set the bag on the counter.

“Welcome to my shop please take a seat,” Tucker said. Wash chuckled and shook his head.

“Shut up, idiot,” he said. He took a seat though and folded his hands into his lap. He watched as Tucker began pulling out a needle wrapped in plastic, some alcohol swabs, a marker, and a few rings in a bag. He handed that to Wash.

“Here, pick your favorite,” Tucker said.

Wash carefully inspected the bag. Most of the rings were silver, a couple were gold and a few were black. He dumped them all into his hand and sorted through them. The only one different from the rest was a black ring with a yellow ball on it.

“This one,” he said holding it up. Tucker squinted his eyes and then smiled.

“So predictable,” he said. Wash rolled his eyes but smiled back at him. He dumped the rest of the rings back into the bag and placed the one he picked on the counter. Tucker washed his hands quickly before grabbing the alcohol swabs.

“Okay, so is it a nose piercing you want?” Tucker asked.

“I- I think so,” he said.

“You think so? Wash, is that what you want?” he asked again.

“Yes,” he said.

“Okay, good. Let me sterilize your face now,” he said.

“Sounds good, doctor,” Wash said.

“Ooo, doctor. I like  _ that _ ,” he said. He waggled his eyebrows again at Wash and they both smiled at each other.

Tucker reached down and cupped the bottom of Wash’s chin. He carefully tilted his head to the side and began wiping at his nose to sterilize it. They were both quiet then, Tucker concentrated on his hands while Wash stared at his eyes. He wondered to himself if they’d always been peppered with a golden shimmer.

“Ready?” he asked. He pulled his hand away from Wash’s chin and his face felt cold with the absence of it. Tucker grabbed for the needle and peeled it out of the package. He picked the ring up and turned to Wash. He must have noticed the worried look on his face because his shoulders slumped. “Do you trust me?”

Wash nodded.

“Then you have nothing to worry about. Close your eyes,” he said. He spoke in a hushed tone now. As his eyes closed Tucker began to hum. It sent a rush of warmth through Wash’s body. He had that same sense of safety that he felt when he and Tucker were alone before. Whatever the song was he was humming it made all of Wash’s anxiety fall away. The sound reverberated through his chest and landed softly over his heart. He was smiling before he realized it.

“You happy, Wash?” Tucker whispered. He had his hand under his chin again. Probably about to pierce his nose. Wash didn’t take any notice, he was too lost in Tucker’s voice.

“Mhm,” he replied. The sounds came from deep in his throat. It was a content noise. A happy one.

“Me too.”

There was a pinch on his nose and he sucked in a breath. His eyes watered involuntarily.

“Hang on almost done,” Tucker whispered. Wash focused on his voice again. He wasn’t in pain and he wasn’t nervous. It was just uncomfortable feeling a needle sitting in his nose. He felt it move and suddenly Tuckers hands were gone from his face. He found himself missing them again.

“You can open your eyes now, Wash,” Tucker said. He was leaned against the counter smiling at Wash. He stood and looked into the mirror. It was weird seeing something like this on his face. He reached out to touch it automatically. It stung when he touched it and he pulled his hand back.

“Yeah it’s going to be tender for a little while. I’ve got some stuff you can clean it with until it heals. Do you like it?” he asked.

“I-I  _ do _ . I love it!” he said. He saw Tucker smile in the mirror.

“Thank you,” he said quickly.

“Anytime,” Tucker said. “You should start doing more things that make you happy.”

“Yeah… I think so too,” he said.

He watched as Tucked started to pack up everything that was left. Throwing away certain things and putting the rest in the black bag. Quiet fell over them again and Wash can never get enough of it. These moments they’ve been having lately have made Wash feel so much more like himself than he has in years. He has the ability to relax and know that he’s safe. He doesn’t need to watch his back, doesn’t need to be on high alert. He can sit there and play video games with Tucker or get his  _ nose pierced _ if he so chose.

When someone like Wash has been living the way he has for as long as he has it’s hard to form bonds with people. Especially when no matter when he did those people always left his life. It made him realize very quickly that if he found himself caring for someone again he needed to let them go. He couldn’t let his heart get broken again. But now, as he stood in front of Tucker listening to his humming again he didn’t care.

“Tucker?” Wash asked.

“Hmm?” Tucker asked absentmindedly. The humming was only interrupted briefly before he went back to it. Wash let his breath leave his body. He wasn’t sure about himself, he never was. But when a feeling festers inside for so long in his experience it’s only a matter of time before it takes over. There’s not many moments in their life where he can do something so ambitious. He had  _ no idea _ what he was thinking and it made him all the more excited to do it.

Before he could convince himself not to he quickly pressed his lips into Tucker’s. The humming stopped and Tucker stilled. It took a second for his brain to catch up but Tucker cupped his hands around Wash’s chin. The same way he did just minutes before and he sighed, he  _ sighed _ , into Wash. Their bodies melted into one another and their minds were lost in one another. Wash pulled away before Tucker could move his lips or get into the kiss the way he wanted to.

“Wh-what was that for?” he asked. Wash stepped away from Tucker and smiled. He pressed his back against the door and twisted the knob to open it.

“Uh, that was a thank you,” he said. He could feel the blush on his cheeks.

“If… if you thank me like that I think I’m going to have to start doing a lot more for you,” Tucker said. He sounded breathless. Wash was about to speak when Simmons came tumbling down the hallway, interrupting the serenity they’ve found themselves in all afternoon.

“Wash, it’s Caboose,” he said.

Wash furrowed his eyebrows. He was still coming down from the high of kissing Tucker.  _ He kissed Tucker. _ His emotions were throwing himself every which way but he needed to focus.

“What about Caboose?” Tucker asked stepping out of the bathroom. Simmons looked between the both of them before his eyes fell on Wash’s nose.

“Did you pierce your fucking nose?” Simmons asked.

“ _ Simmons _ . What about Caboose?” Tucker asked again his voice getting louder.

“Oh uh. He’s-he’s gone. We can’t find him.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday everybody!  
> From here on out chapters will be longer and things will be getting a bit more angsty and a bit more intense. So make sure you're checking on those tags in case something changes.  
> As always, let me know what you think! Kudos/comments are always appreciated. See you in a week! <3

“We need to go fucking find him,” Wash said.

Everyone was in the meeting room. Wash was the only one who was pacing back and forth. He had gone through about 50 scenarios in his head about what could have happened to him and most of them didn’t end well.

“We’ll find him,” Carolina said. Her voice was steady but he could still hear the uneasiness in it.

“Yeah, we will.  _ Now, _ ” he said.

“It’s too dangerous to go out in the dark. We haven’t had a chance to scout around here yet to know what’s out there,” Grif said. He had his legs up on his table. As if he didn’t care Caboose was gone.

“Are you fucking serious? You want to wait until  _ morning _ to go and find him? Oh, actually do you know what? I'm not the least bit surprised the laziest motherfucker in this place  _ doesn't want to do anything.  _ Do you know what could happen to him by the time you're ready to go, princess?” Wash asked.

“Yes, I do. And that little fucker is a moron who has survived this long. I think he can handle a couple hours on his own. Honestly, I still don’t know why we’re even having this discussion. I bet you he’ll find his own way back,” Grif said completely unfazed by Wash’s list of insults. He got up from the table and began walking out of the room.

Simmons sighed next to Wash but got up too. He put a hand on Wash’s shoulder and squeezed a little. Wash paid no mind to it. His eyes boring into the back of Grif’s head.

“So you don’t fucking care about him then?” Wash asked. Grif turned around before leaving the room completely.

“I’m not about to go risk my life looking for him in the dead of night. It’s your fault he’s gone anyways,” Grif said.

“Grif!” Simmons yelled.

“Jesus. Seriously?” Carolina complained.

Wash looked between everyone. There seemed to be an understanding between them all. Except Tucker, who looked just as confused.

“Wh-what do you mean  _ my fault? _ ” Wash asked. Grif folded his arms in front of his chest and smirked.

“Weren’t you the one who told the idiot you’d find some parts for his robot? Yeah well, you were too busy playing house with Tucker to care to help him. That’s why he’s gone. Set off on his own little adventure to go look for some of his own I guess. Oh, and you’re welcome for the piercing by the way, it looks great,” Grif spat out. He turned around then and left the room. Simmons huffed next to Wash and stomped out after him, yelling his name in the process.

“We’ll get ready to go out first thing in the morning,” Sarge said. He followed suit with the rest of his team.

Wash didn’t hear what anyone else had to say. He fell into a chair in the room and lost himself in his thoughts. He had told Caboose he’d help him with his robot. But he was too busy caring too much about himself to do anything. Fuck, he  _ knew _ that taking a day to himself was a bad idea. If he would have just been doing his rounds as always Caboose would have mentioned the robot to him again and Wash would have helped him this time. Made sure he didn’t electrocute himself or some shit. Probably stop the idiot from leaving entirely but he  _ didn’t. _ And he knew that made him a bad friend.

Wash felt a hand fall on his shoulder. He didn’t know who it was, he didn’t care. The only thing cycling through his mind was Caboose lost in the surrounding wilderness. He was probably completely oblivious to the world around him and the dangers they posed. One of the things that gave Wash solace was that Caboose probably had Freckles with him.

“That should keep him safe for now,” he said out loud.

“Huh?”

Wash snapped out of his thoughts and took in his surroundings. He wasn’t in the meeting room anymore, instead he was in his bedroom. Tucker was knelt down in front of him a worried look on his face.

“Wash are you okay?” Tucker asked. He looked down at him. His eyes cold and distant.

“It is my fault,” he said. Tucker sighed and placed a hand on Wash’s knee. Wash instinctively pulled away from it. Although he regretted it at first he knew that his feelings for Tucker are what started this in the first place. Tucker’s face fell but he pulled his hand back.

“Are you seriously going to listen to  _ Grif? _ Like you know that’s crazy right? Caboose does shit like this all the time. We’ll find him,” Tucker said.

“Why am I the only one who’s worried about him?” Wash asked.

“You’re not,” Tucker said. His tone was serious all of a sudden.

“Well I’m the only one acting like I am! He’d do the same thing for the rest of you! You know that!” Wash exclaimed. His hands began to shake. Tucker grabbed a hold of them and pulled them down into his lap.

“Wash,  _ calm down. _ We’re going to find him, okay? Just… get some sleep and we’ll go first thing in the morning. I swear on it. I’ll- I’ll even wake up before you and bring you breakfast in bed or some shit okay?” Tucker said. Wash knew that last part was a joke but he wasn’t in a joking mood.

“I don’t need breakfast in bed! I don’t need all these fucking nice things because look what happened! We got all close and shit and we’re… like… we’re…  _ whatever we are right now _ . Or were. I don’t know. All I know is bad shit didn’t happen before this and now it did. And it’s my fault. So I need to fix this,” Wash said. Tucker sat back on his heels then.

“Are you seriously saying that this happened because you  _ kissed me? _ What you think the universe is punishing you for having something nice for once? What the fuck kind of self deprecating shit is that, Wash?” Tucker asked.

Wash felt that same anger bubble through him. The kind that he tried again and again to repress until he could calmly work his way through a situation. But with the tension inside of him running so high he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He was just upset that it had to be targeted at Tucker.

“Because that’s how it’s always been! Every time I’ve ever loved or cared for someone they’ve either tried to kill me in the end or  _ died. _ Sometimes it was both! Sometimes I was the one who had to kill them and it  _ burns me up. _ I thought that after getting us off Chorus that was going to be the end of it. But when we got here I still couldn’t let my guard down because I knew once I did shit like this was going to happen! And look! It fucking did! I should have been out there supervising, I should have been there!” he screamed.

“You’re not our fucking savior, Wash! Caboose is a big boy, he can make decisions for himself. He’s  _ allowed  _ to make his own choices. When the fuck did you decide that we all needed to be watched like a hawk, huh? To be trained every single day, to be screamed at when we blow shit up for fun? No one asked you to be that person. You sit there and you put it on yourself just like you do the blame whenever anything happens. Caboose left on his own terms, and we’re going to get him back on  _ ours. _ Not yours. As a  _ team _ we are going to get him back. So lay your ass down on that bed and get some fuckin’ sleep!” he yelled. Wash’s mouth pulled into a tight line. He was breathing heavily now and there were tears he forced himself to hold back. He didn’t need to break down now. He couldn’t.

“Get out,” Wash said coldly.

“Happily,” Tucker replied. He stood up and didn’t look at Wash again. Instead he swiftly left the room and slammed the door behind him.

He didn’t move from the other side of the door for awhile. He stood with his back against it, his head tilted up to the ceiling and he took his time to just  _ breathe. _ He knew why Wash felt the way he did, he knew that he couldn’t help it. But he also knew that he couldn’t keep going like this. Always taking the blame for something even when it didn’t make sense.

And that whole plan to ignore his feelings for Wash was completely out of the park now. He hasn’t had much time to think of the kiss because of Simmons interruption but  _ god _ he wishes he could do it again. Especially now that Wash is losing his fucking mind over Caboose all Tucker wants to do is comfort him. But how do you even comfort someone like Wash? Hugging him and kissing him didn’t seem like it would work very well and with the argument they just had he doubted he would want that anyways. So, instead he stood in front of the door for awhile wishing he wasn’t such a fucking idiot that had feelings for his best friend.

He sighed and pushed himself off of the door. Instead of retreating to his own room he decided to walk outside for some air. Wash was wrong about being the only one who was worried about Caboose. The guy is an annoying piece of shit most of the time but Tucker loves his company. He’d never admit it but he does.

Once he was outside of the base he was surprised at how cold it was. He cursed himself for not bringing out a jacket but sat down on the ground anyways. He leaned up against the base and looked out at the sky. Stars sprinkled themselves around the moon. Tucker wondered why he never came out here more often because  it was quite the sight to see. That’s the thing about space travel, every place is different and always more beautiful than the last. He bitches about his life a lot but this is one of the things he enjoys the most about it.

A ping of guilt rushed through him. He was sat here enjoying the scenery meanwhile Caboose is probably freezing his ass off somewhere in the wilderness. He sighed and put his hands in his head. He would have been okay with any plan, really. He  _ did _ want to go out tonight and find Caboose. But he  _ didn’t _ want to join in on an all out screaming match with everyone else. Sometimes he wished the right thing to do was an easy answer.

And sure, he knew he had his moments where he was flat out mean to Caboose. He didn't necessarily regret those moments either because the dude is a  _ fucking moron _ and he doesn't listen to him half the time. With the unbelievable amount of time Tucker has spent with him, though he's grown to be really protective over Caboose. He knew that most of that was due to losing Church and really the only other person that understood that was Caboose. Sure, Carolina understood to a point but it was Epsilon she missed. Caboose and Tucker missed a completely different person.

The two of them had to sort of grieve together in a way. It was kind of an ass backwards way of grieving and Tucker knew that but it was  _ their way. _ Caboose continued making friends over and over again with anything and everything that moved. Tucker locked himself away for awhile, cut people off, and really refused to open up to anyone. Caboose was the only one who would come in and check on Tucker and say something along the lines of: “I miss him too”.

And it was a simple act of understanding but it was one that Tucker appreciated anyways. He didn't need an elaborate speech or a hug from somebody. In that moment he just needed someone who understood. Even if that someone was a six foot tall giant with an IQ lower than a goldfish. Well, can't win them all he supposes.

So yeah, he understood Wash’s urgency to go and find Caboose. He felt it too. But he also felt the need to protect Wash as well. He knows it's dangerous out there, he knows the risks they'll all take if they go out with no game plan at all. He also knows that Wash doesn't give a shit about any of that and he's probably already thought of about 30 ways they could make this work. Which is why he wasn't surprised when he heard a twig snap next to him and saw black and yellow armor from the corner of his eye.

Wash stopped in his tracks and looked over at Tucker.

“I-” he paused and sighed. “I didn't realize you were out here.”

“Yeah well guess it was a good thing I was. What the fuck are you doing?” Tucker asked. 

“Look, I'm not going to sit here and argue with you about not going,” Wash said.

“Mhm,” Tucker replied. Wash didn’t continue. They sat in silence until Wash started to walk again. In the blink of an eye Tucker was on his feet, his hand planted firmly on Wash’s chest plate.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Tucker said.

Wash groaned.

“Tucker. Move.”

“Make me,” Tucker said.

An eerie silence fell between the two of them again. Crickets were chirping in the background, and the waves on the beach were crashing but it was as if the world had stopped as soon as Tucker’s piercing eyes met where Wash’s were behind his helmet.

“Tucker… seriously. Move,” Wash said.

Tucker shifted his weight and crossed his arms.

“No.”

“Look, I don’t want to have to move you out of my way,” Wash said.

“Then go back in the base.”

“We need to find Caboose!”

“We will! Fuck, Wash. Don’t you listen?  _ We’re going as soon as the sun is up, _ ” Tucker said.

“That’s not good enough!” Wash screamed.

“Why?” Tucker yelled back.

“Because it’s my fault! I need to go because it’s  _ my fucking fault. _ This isn’t your problem, it’s mine and  _ I’m _ going to fix it,” Wash said.

Tucker could hear his voice breaking and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and just hug Wash because the guilt must be killing him.

“Stop!  _ Fucking christ.  _ Stop taking the blame for everything! I’m not repeating what I said before. Get in the fucking base  _ now Wash _ or so help me god I’ll put you in there myself,” Tucker said.

Wash scoffed.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t be able to,” he said.

In an instant Tucker was set off. Fuck trying to rationalize, fuck trying to be sympathetic, and  _ fuck _ trying to talk his way back into the base.

He grabbed Wash’s arm and tugged hard toward the front entrance. He knew what was coming next though. Wash twisted his arm to try and pin Tucker’s against his chest but he’d seen this move before. He quickly sidestepped and brought Wash’s hand, which he still had grasped back around and pinned it against his back. Wash struggled for a second before quickly twisting himself around and pushed Tucker. He felt his back his the cold slab of the building and if Wash had pushed any harder he knew his head would have cracked against the cement. Wash could win this if he wanted to, Tucker knew he didn’t.

He struggled against Wash’s grip for a second and groaned.

“Any other circumstance this would turn me on, Wash. But you’re pissing me off,” he said.

“Then stop,” Wash replied.

“Yeah, not a chance.”

Tucker kicked his foot up and made contact with the back of Wash’s knee. It didn’t send him tumbling down but it did give Tucker enough wiggle room to remove himself from his grip. He pivoted and was now behind Wash who grasped himself onto the now empty wall where Tucker once stood. Tucker put his foot on Wash’s ass and kicked again. Wash tumbled down and landed with a loud thud onto the ground. His armor clanged and Tucker heard a groan from inside his helmet.

“Look, I can’t do this all night but I will get Carolina out here to finish this off for me. So, you ready to go inside?” Tucker asked. He was holding his hand out for Wash to grab but he ignored it. Instead he sighed and got himself up. Tucker was ready to go at it again but Wash turned to the entrance of the base and stomped in. He followed Wash all the way to the hallway where their bedrooms are.

When they reached the outside of Wash’s door he turned around accusingly.

“You don’t have to follow me into my room,” Wash said.

“Actually, I do. You see, you get to spend all your time being the boss of us and babysitting us that I think it’s only fair I do the same. I don’t trust you won’t leave  _ with good reason _ need I remind you. And I think you’d rather have me in there all night than Carolina. Or maybe I’ll just get Donut to sit with you all night? Yeah maybe I’ll do that...” Tucker said. He began to step away from the door when an armored hand came up to his chest. It landed softly and Tucker turned back to Wash.

“Fine. You can stay,” Wash said.

“Thought so,” Tucker replied.

Wash opened the door to his bedroom and entered. Tucker followed suit closing the door behind him. Wash quickly turned on the lamp on his nightstand and the room lit up with a soft orange glow. He looked around at the sketches hung on the walls and how neat and organized everything was. The walls were painted grey, when did he even have time to do that? He had a toiletry bag on top of his dressed and a few knives sitting next to that. As Tucker was distracted by the way the room was set up he heard the familiar unsnapping of armor. If he had any semblance of self control he’d turn around and let Wash get into his pajamas without his gazing eyes. But it was Tucker, and he didn’t.

He watched as Wash pulled the armor away from himself slowly and meticulously. He placed each piece of armor in what Tucker knew Wash had deemed as their respective places. He saved his helmet for last and pulled that off too. Tucker had almost completely forgotten about the nose ring even though it happened a few hours ago. After everything that had happened it felt like  _ days _ since then. He looked up at Tucker, his eyes sunken and defeated. It looked like he had been crying and  _ fuck _ that hurt.

Tucker didn’t stop himself from moving closer to Wash. He wrapped his arms around his slowly and softly. Giving Wash time to pull himself away if he wanted to. To Tucker’s delight he didn’t. He circled his hand on Wash’s back and let his head fall onto his shoulders. He sighed into the touch and Tucker began swaying them back and forth.

Everything about the moment was perfect. Wash in his arms, the softness of the light around them, the dull hum of the base’s generators in the background. He held him like that for a while soaking in the peace that so few and far between nowadays. Tucker carefully moved his arm up Wash’s back toward the zipper of his kevlar suit. He let his hand stay on Wash’s back so he could track the motion and not get caught off guard by Tucker’s hands being so close to his implants. Wash didn’t move but his breathing did pause.

“Just wanna help you get into bed, Wash,” Tucker said. Wash responded by nuzzling closer into Tucker’s shoulder and that was enough confirmation for him. He unzipped the kevlar suit and let it drop in between them. Tucker felt Wash’s bare skin against his hand and smiled to himself. For someone with such a cold personality he was surprisingly warm and Tucker could hold him like that forever. But, reluctantly he peeled himself away. Wash stood on his own, his eyes hazy and tired. Tucker began digging through his dresser and found sweatpants and a shirt.

“Don’t sleep with a shirt,” Wash whispered. Tucker could see sleep taking him over.

“Okay,” he said. He handed Wash the sweatpants and put the shirt back in the drawer. By the time he turned back around Wash already had the pants on and was climbing into bed. Tucker turned and saw a desk chair to sit on. He was about to grab it and pull it out when Wash spoke up.

“No,” he said. Sleep was not only apparent in his eyes his voice cracked with it too. He lifted up the blanket he was under now gesturing for Tucker to join him. “This way you can sleep  _ and _ make sure I don’t leave.”

“You sure?” Tucker asked. His nerves suddenly jumped up into his throat again. He didn’t want to push Wash far when he was already riding high on an emotional rollercoaster.

“Yeah. M’sure,” he whispered already falling asleep. Tucker took his shoes off and climbed into the bed. At first he made sure not to even  _ breathe _ on Wash much less touch him. Afraid he’d shoot up fully awake and realize he’s making a mistake letting himself get this close to Tucker. But instead, Wash shifted in the bed and laid his head on Tucker’s chest. Promptly falling asleep. He’d never seen someone fall asleep as fast as Wash did. He assumed someone as high strung as him would take forever or not get any at all. But he was pleasantly surprised he was wrong. He wondered silently to himself what else he’d find out about him.

Tucker absentmindedly tightened his grip on Wash. His words from before flipping in his head.

_ You can sleep and make sure I don’t leave. _

Tucker knew it wasn’t about him getting sleep, it wasn’t about him not trusting Wash to leave, even though he definitely didn’t. Wash was losing himself in his guilt and he needed someone there to ground him. Tucker could be that. He’d always be that.


End file.
